Spring is just around the corner

Yesterday I was still freezing in the studio but today there was a sense of spring in the air and the sun even showed up in the courtyard for a little. I can't wait.

Do you ever have those days where you feel like you are so exhausted and tired you are going to break out in tears? Yes, just like a child? That's me tonight. I remember though hating my mum say "oh, you're just tired, I know!" when I was upset and crying, because clearly there were more pressing and distressing reasons then lack of sleep, which made me even more mad, because it adds the feeling of being misunderstood. When I've been pushing myself so hard that I get so emotionally exhausted I find myself wanting to break out in tears. But that's what you don't do as a grown up, right? 

Anyway, this week we started new set ups, since it's a new month. This time the models are dressed. As if the arriving warmer temperatures would suggest that. No, it doesn't make much sense... maybe there was a reason why our model last month was so purple? Kidding. No, we are not torturing them, not quite. They have little heaters blowing hot air on them, but it still feels odd, when you even wear long underwear and a beanie inside, while painting someone nude in front of you. I often feel so bad for our models. Try keeping still and in one position 45 min at a time and that for three to six hours! They are champions.

I thought, I share the process with you, I really like starting new works. I still struggle with finishing. One of my teachers said to me last week, that I do so well until a certain point and then I stop. I have to figure out, what that point is and how to push past it. 

The painting set up is a good example for,, having to do something that does not necessarily inspire you. I would not have chosen this, but let's see, what I can make of it.

we always start with a compositional sketch, like a thumbnail, that solves the solution of format and colour and tonal relationship.


Yes, seems like a Easter decoration... I'm going for the one on the right.

Yes, seems like a Easter decoration... I'm going for the one on the right.


Me in the studio at work today. Thanks for the capture, Felipe Salsano ❤️ I'm first drawing with charcoal on my canvas and will start with paint tomorrow. I just got into painting on Jute or burlap canvas. I really like the rough texture. Let's see if I stick with this.

You can see my teacher, Svetlana Kurbatskaya there. She is so awesome and I work very well with her. I'm learning a lot and she understands exactly how to help me. I am so thankful to have her.


In the afternoon we have drawing and started an interesting set up. I'm curious, how this will turn out.



Tuesdays and Thursdays I'm joining again the figure drawing class also with my drawing teacher Sergey Chubirko. He is a great teacher and I've grown lots with him. 

tonight was pretty funny. He's been pushing me to be bolder and faster and push through my weaknesses in drawing. Repetition helps, and frustrates. 

I had stretched and toned my paper, but while it was drying by the heater it unfortunately had ripped. I was very annoyed and didn't have time to restretch it. Sergey didn't like the look of it and asked me to rather bring a new streteched board on Thursday. After half an hour I was done with the sketch, so he challenged me to start on the big one and use it as a big sketch and see what I can do in one hour. I think I sometimes need this sense of freedom and to be able to just go for it and not be so afraid. Since I didn't have to care so much about this outcome I actually got really far in this one hour.

(Maybe I feel so exhausted because I really pushed myself hard just these two past days, haha) 

so, here is that giant "sketch". I'm happy with the result and I see where I need to improve. 



you can see the wrinkly corner where I taped the damage. 

Well, Thursday will be a new start. 


im gonna have some more tea and curl up... not sure if I'm up for more homework now 😵✌🏽